Oh and it was true. The cat is terrified of the new cat flap because it clicks when she comes near with the infra-red thingy on her collar. So rather than brave the click she did a poo on Katie's English homework folder under the coffee table and scratched around. For something so horrible it had us crying with laughter
Andrew was so amused he got the camera to take a photo. Yes a family kodak moment.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
A favourite romantic lyric
"I don't want to set the world on fire. I just want to start a little flame in your heart"
Jokes for the girls
One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
---------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
--------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to
them and said that because they had been so good that each one of
them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practising to be men.
-------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
THIS IS HOW WE RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB
We put about 100 bricks in some particular
order in a closed room with an open window.Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room andclose the door.Leave them alone and come back after 6 hoursand then analyze the situation. If they are counting the bricks......Put them in the accounts department. If they are recounting them....... Put them in auditing. If they have messed up the whole place with thebricks.. Put them in engineering. If they are arranging the bricks in somestrange order..... Put them in strategic planning. If they are throwing the bricks at each other.... Put them in operations . If they are sleeping..... .. Put them in security. If they have broken the bricks into pieces......Put them in information technology. If they are sitting idle........Put them in human resources . If they say they have tried differentcombinations, yet not a brick has been moved......... .Put them in sales. If they have already left for the day........Put them in marketing. And then last but not least. If they aretalking to each other and not a single brick hasbeenmoved......Congratulate them and put them in topmanagement!!!!!
8th July I.O.W. update to prove I leave these shores but don't find time to blog anymore
How are we? Sunburnt and doesn't it feel good after all the rain and more rain and the cats and the dogs. Andrew and I are just back from a short break in the Isle of Wight. We got the ferry yesterday am at 10.15am from Lymington. Drove to Freshwater Bay where we parked before hiking up the Tennyson Downs to the Needles, then to Alum Bay and then back up over the Downs. I had my Birkenstocks on not expecting to walk 9 miles and boy, oh boy can I feel my feet now!
It's funny how it has felt like a 5 day weekend but has only been 2 days. I think the excitement of the ferry helped - you drive on and then go up like an elevator to make room for cars underneath you. Only I ran to the loo as they announced disembarkation, then couldn't find my way back to the right deck, got stuck in a stairwell and they'd already closed off the doors to the decks, so had to walk off with the passengers and was just feeling lucky I wasn't trapped in the stairwell which was the thought in my mind as panic spread. Doh! Fortunately I had left the car keys with a very bemused Andrew who was doing man thing of not listening when I announced my dash to the loo and that I'd meet him at the car, so he was perplexed indeed why I hadn't followed him - was I abducted or in the Channel?
One almost felt the need for a passport and to reset the watch. Andrew at one point thought "oh they speak English too"! We stayed at this fab and great value BnB - http://www.oceanviewhouse.co.uk/. Very modern large room with high ceiling and balcony with fab sea view in Ventnor
Back in Lymington we were greatly entertained by the fish n chip shop's sign that boasted how healthy it was for take away food because they used only three ingredients: potato, fish and batter. We wanted to ask did they pick their own batter, was it free range or organic!
What we couldn't work out was how somewhere as pretty and scenic as the Isle of Wight with such lovely high standard housing could have so many chavs. Everywhere we went the tacky shit amusement parks and greasy pubs were heaving while the National Trust parkland and swanky eateries were deserted. Godshill village was a classic example. The church which is what the village was built around is up a small hill and here you get the best classic British village photograph. We were the only ones there though and everyone else had only got between the car park and the village high street where every cottage had a menu board outside. Good news is we did have some fab food this weekend far from the madding crowds, also a delish obligatory cream tea. Of course I am intolerant to cream so will pay later.
Well that was good - I had something to write about other than having a new driveway and a massive hole in the kitchen ceiling. The extended driveway is a magnificent thing indeed because the last wife could never persuade him to cough up and do it (versus having grass that was now a mud bath), so it proves I am the most adored and obeyed of all the wives. Quite so :-) But what if he's like Henry VIII?!!!
My house is becoming a palace for sure with our super Polish cleaner on the case. I finally tracked one down by putting an ad in the Reading Polish food shop (fab place that gives you Polish fudge sweeties with your change) and persuaded her to come out into the wilds that is Thatcham. Now I have a cleaner, all feels well again in Marta world.
It's funny how it has felt like a 5 day weekend but has only been 2 days. I think the excitement of the ferry helped - you drive on and then go up like an elevator to make room for cars underneath you. Only I ran to the loo as they announced disembarkation, then couldn't find my way back to the right deck, got stuck in a stairwell and they'd already closed off the doors to the decks, so had to walk off with the passengers and was just feeling lucky I wasn't trapped in the stairwell which was the thought in my mind as panic spread. Doh! Fortunately I had left the car keys with a very bemused Andrew who was doing man thing of not listening when I announced my dash to the loo and that I'd meet him at the car, so he was perplexed indeed why I hadn't followed him - was I abducted or in the Channel?
One almost felt the need for a passport and to reset the watch. Andrew at one point thought "oh they speak English too"! We stayed at this fab and great value BnB - http://www.oceanviewhouse.co.uk/. Very modern large room with high ceiling and balcony with fab sea view in Ventnor
Back in Lymington we were greatly entertained by the fish n chip shop's sign that boasted how healthy it was for take away food because they used only three ingredients: potato, fish and batter. We wanted to ask did they pick their own batter, was it free range or organic!
What we couldn't work out was how somewhere as pretty and scenic as the Isle of Wight with such lovely high standard housing could have so many chavs. Everywhere we went the tacky shit amusement parks and greasy pubs were heaving while the National Trust parkland and swanky eateries were deserted. Godshill village was a classic example. The church which is what the village was built around is up a small hill and here you get the best classic British village photograph. We were the only ones there though and everyone else had only got between the car park and the village high street where every cottage had a menu board outside. Good news is we did have some fab food this weekend far from the madding crowds, also a delish obligatory cream tea. Of course I am intolerant to cream so will pay later.
Well that was good - I had something to write about other than having a new driveway and a massive hole in the kitchen ceiling. The extended driveway is a magnificent thing indeed because the last wife could never persuade him to cough up and do it (versus having grass that was now a mud bath), so it proves I am the most adored and obeyed of all the wives. Quite so :-) But what if he's like Henry VIII?!!!
My house is becoming a palace for sure with our super Polish cleaner on the case. I finally tracked one down by putting an ad in the Reading Polish food shop (fab place that gives you Polish fudge sweeties with your change) and persuaded her to come out into the wilds that is Thatcham. Now I have a cleaner, all feels well again in Marta world.
Friend's new job experience had me laughing
"Oh must tell you. I had a sort of induction yesterday. But when I was told where to stand in the office if I had an accident I just guffawed!
Companies can be so funny!"
So any split nails etc. go stand by the stationery cupboard until someone notices and rescues you. Brilliant!
You've gotta watch this video
http://www.fishki.net/comment.php?id=26900 - let it load first and ensure you have sound on. If I say it's a parrot dancing you'll want to just hit delete but all my friends mailed back saying how they nearly did that but were so glad they didn't as they loved it to bits. Watch the bird in the cage on the left join in too. Jan reckons some men don't even dance that well.
From Carolyn it prompted this great story back:
From Carolyn it prompted this great story back:
"I loved this! It was particularly funny that day
because I had stopped into the animal shelter and a
woman who worked there showed me a cockatiel who had
been brought in and its cage sat next to a cage with
two rats. Apparently the cockatiel came to believe
the two rats were her children to the point that if
the two rats are removed from her eyesight it screams
and throws a proper fit at about fifty decibels.
The shelter worker demonstrated this and sure enough
the bird flipped out. Needless to say, they are
trying to get the three of them adopted together at
this point. I love exotic animals and this video you
sent and my experience that day with the nutty
cockatiel was brilliant.
My crazy kotek (cat) that is now 14 years old from Warsaw is
cleaning out the neighborhood of anything that
resembles a rodent. When Alex is visiting it becomes
particularly nasty. Chipmunks, birds etc. brought in
half eaten as "presents" for the "king" that is
visiting. Soon he will be jumping the elderly on the
sidewalk in front of out house and bringing them half
eaten through the cat door...
I had no idea that the tradition of offering the best
food to ones visitors in Poland actually extended to
the animals knowing this also, but they do. Polish
culture is not to be taken lightly or messed about
with!
I am saving the dancing cockatoo on my desktop for a
good laugh when I need it."
I find the flaws that others cannot reach
Andrew's super DVD player that allegedly could play anything has been put to the test. He researched it very thoroughly and one reviewer said "If you do a shit on a plate and put it in, this thing will play it". They lied, not that we have tried that. I really wanted the girl's to see the very funny French film 'Le Placard' or 'The Closet' so ordered the DVD. It will not play on our DVD player. We even got a replacement which started a war with the Amazon seller when their rubbish service led me to give them poor feedback to which they sent me an outraged email but offering me a refund if I took off my comments. Isn't that what feedback is for. It made me wonder if their amazing pages and pages of faultless feedback before mine was down to this bribe and sob story technique. Ain't working on me. Cheek of it.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
BROWN PAPER PACKAGES TIED UP WITH INDUSTRIAL ACTION
BROWN PAPER PACKAGES TIED UP WITH INDUSTRIAL ACTION - THIS IS NOT ONE OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS...WHEN MY DOG BITES, THE POSTMAN'S LEG, WHEN I'M FEELING SAD.
This was the fabulous email title from my ever inspirational facilities manager at work
This was the fabulous email title from my ever inspirational facilities manager at work
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