Bournemouth on a summer Sunday afternoon

I offered the girls some of the clothes I no longer wore or those that no longer fit well

Katie took me up on the offer. Alas it was to go into her fancy dress box!

20 July 2007 - time to hail an ark. This is Marta shaking the trout out of her shoes...

This was the day I had to abandon my car because Thatcham was flooded. I walked home along the A4 from one end of Thatcham to the other wading through water which was up to me knees in certain parts. Thank heavens we live on bit of a hill and missed being surrounded by a moat unlike others a few roads down.

Katie loves Harry Potter so much

she made a Harry Potter egg. I made an effort and watched 'The Goblet of Fire' film and it was okay. Still don't see myself reading any of the books - have looked at them but the prose did nothing for me whatsoever. However at my friend Mark's writers group there was a chap who did the same genre but so so so much better. In fact watching Harry Potter made me yearn to go back to the writers group to hear another installment.

If I'm not wrong Katie wants Harry Potter to be read to her on her death bed!

What am I supposed to do with these?

From the new horror film

My two loves share a cushion

Marta playing on Andrew's MacBook Pro

Turned me into Jane Goody. I have seen the future and I'm going to put the donut down right now!

Andrew and Katie in Mac Photobooth

Clever clogs

Emma got 4 As and a B, then Katie got all A stars with 98% in Sciences. What a proud step mom I am.

Andrew throwing something together in the kitchen

I asked Andrew for the recipe as it was so delish. I traded the recipe with my work canteen who got me a catering bag of Ebly as that's the only way you can get it or open an account yourself with http://www.vegetarianexpress.co.uk/

"Can't remember exactly what I did but it was something like ...

A stuffing mixture made of cooked ebly, garlic, onion, sun-dried tomato paste, bits of chopped sautéed mushroom, bits of chopped sautéed marrow, toasted pine nuts, parsley or coriander, squirt of thick balsamic. (depends what was in the fridge on the day!!)

Mushroom tower built of big flat mushroom brushed with oil and pre-grilled. Layer of ebly stuffing, slice of big yellow slightly charred courgette, slice of big tomato, slivers of cheese - mozarella or parmesan. Stick under grill till cheese melts. Finally, a couple of sticks of asparagus quickly sautéed in Olive oil with knob of butter, squirt of lemon juice and/or balsamic. Once charred, lovingly draped over the top.

I served with some small cubes of butternut squash, oven roasted with crushed garlic scattered round the base and a little turret of creamy buttery mash!!

Yum yum.

Andrew"

Attack of the Mac boy or is that the look of love?

It all happened over Saturday night dinner with Bruce - there was some geek boy utterings about Macs. Then followed some research over the next few days. I got some emails from Andrew declaring his growing desire. By Friday he was driving down to Southampton to make his first macpurchase as there was no way he could wait 10 days for delivery if he ordered it online. We went away for the weekend. The mac came too and we had great fun in the photo booth but not sure I want to post those photos!

The Mac is very different to use but there is something so stylish and practical about it I am looking forward to replacing my laptop with one in the future now. I was put off by it all being so different but having endured Vista and worse the new MS Office suite (everyone in the house was complaining so much that they could no longer produce even a simple Word document as it was too painful to use, that my beloved early adopter gave in and took it off the shared house desktop. Thank the lawd!), I reckon if I am going to have to get to grips with something new it may as well be Mac. Copying Mac has been a bad move for MS in that respect.

Another meal made by my man good enough to photograph

A scrummy mix of varied veggie finery. I am such a FLB!

Our Facilities Manager writes very cheeky emails

Here's a best of selection. Very entertaining indeed. Names and places changed to protect the not so innocent.

Subject: BOVVERED? WELL YES, I AM AS IT HAPPENS...

Hi All,

Admittedly, it is a bit of a long one this week, but it's as vital to your
well being, as Hollyoaks is to a teenage boy...

Walkways
These have recently been re-carpeted. If I could ask you to leave it a couple of weeks before wandering along them, mobile in one hand, spilling coffee/yoghurt/blood/lard all over the carpet with the other, that would be just fantastic.

Fort Knox Your Set Top Box...
Procurement are taking their name very seriously and will be thieving some PVR boxes from around the building for 24 hours. These will be returned the following day and rigged up again.

If you want someone to blame, please pick a fight with K.T. She is feisty, but also tiny, so a strategically placed hand on the forehead should be enough to keep her at arms length.

First Aid Room
The First Aid Room is located on the ground floor, next to the
security office. If you need to use this room (you need to be
accompanied by a first aider), the key is held by security. If you are
*ahem*...unwell, please a) clear it up b) notify facilities or speak directly to a member of the cleaning team. We had the pleasure
of finding a blanket in there last week that was matted together
with....well......someone's dinner if you're asking. Uncool. Obviously,
this isn't too pleasant, so I would appreciate it, if you could make sure
it is left in a decent condition. This is the First Aiders
responsibility. Unlucky.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi All,

Despite the best efforts of my letting agent to ruin my mood this weekend
and my bank taking a quite undeserved holiday, unfortunately for you, I am
feeling as upbeat and foolish as ever, so lets begin by visiting acronym
central and discussing being PC about the PC......

A poem called 'Monitor the Monitor'
I used to leave it on all day and all of the night,
Because I thought CSR was a load of.......unnecessary stuff,
Then I realised it cost the company loads of cash,
Which brings accounts out in a bit of a rash,
So I turned my monitor off every night,
Not because the company is tight, but because of the worlds carbon plight,
...And the fact that my CO2 emissions over the year rival a 747 flight and I
also get fed up of being (justifiably) nagged by the cleaning team who are
trying to clean my keyboard and when they do it wakes up the PC, which then wastes power blah blah blah.. (admittedly, this bit does not rhyme)...

So there you have it, a highly educational tale of the benefits of turning
of your monitor every night, or if you are away from your desk for a period
of time. At the moment, don't turn off your PC itself as several updates
and other techy stuff occurs overnight and you wouldn't want to miss out on that would you?

Postal Strikes
They aren't striking anymore in the SE and SW London areas, so that's nice. Apparently their arguments were stamped on. They were upset their manager Mark got the sack...and things are never the same post Mark......

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Losing your cool?
Playing with garbage is tremendous fun as I am sure any bands who have
supported Girls Aloud can attest, however it's not so much of a giggle
cleaning out the fridges in the kitchenettes and discovering food that has
its own carbon footprint. So much so, that it can walk itself to the bin.
If you have stuff with a limited shelf life (all I am saying G is 'no
it's not fashionable again'...), please remember to throw it away if you
don't eat it. Call me oddball, but I always thought the general idea was
to eat food you brought in, but apparently I am wrong in this.

Disabled Parking Bays
Are you disabled? Park in these. You're not disabled? Oh in that case,
don't park here. You'll no doubt be looking for one of the other 900 spaces
to park in. There's loads of them. Go on!..treat yourself and take your
pick of them.

They Came, They Sawed, They Conkered?
In a pointless piece of work not seen since the Millennium Dome was
conceived, Xshire Highways came (as promised) to cut back the tree on the path outside the building that obstructs some of you from coming into work. They did come. They did cut back a tree. On the other side of the road. Well done them. They have now returned and cut the other one, so my apologies for the delay. The zebra crossing is still under discussion with X District
Council. Apparently he is not keen to sign the release forms at the zoo.

-----------------------------------------
The first broadcast email subject line was "FREE ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTES"

Hi All,

Not really, but now I have your attention. Stop sitting on the edge of your
seat, biting your fingernails (or false ones AS) waiting for the
facilities e-mail, the wait is over. I bet you can't wait to read it through
from beginning to end as it only takes 1 minute, (definitely NOT deleting
it, then e-mailing me asking me questions which I answered in the e-mail)

Captain Tortue
Despite sounding like a pasta wielding swashbuckler, this is in fact a range of children's clothing that will be for sale in the café until 14.00 today. Despite the stuff being French, (thus being imbued with Gallic charm, a certain je ne sais quoi if you will), there is no requirement to listen to Sacha Distel whilst wearing the aforementioned items.

Speed Limits
The speed limit on all areas of the X site is 5 mph. It appears that several cars on site have malfunctioning speedometers, so just for them, 5mph is walking pace. JF was almost knocked over at 9.15 on Tuesday morning by someone who was speeding around the site despite the fact he was wearing a high visibility jacket. Please bear in mind, that people are always on site in the car parking areas, so it would be lovely if we could try and avoid killing them. It creates an awful lot of paperwork for us to fill out too.

First Aiders
Can you come to our aid? I'll cut to the chase, this is not a stitch up, we
are looking for the new Kissit, Mendit and Stitchit for the X site.
Rather than plaster posters everywhere, we thought e-mail the best solution as it saves time. Eye nose you are all; thinking 'whats the bleeding clot pouring his heart about now?', but I am not being a pain, but in a serious vein, your building needs you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi All,

In celebration of this new e-mail, I have changed my font. I thought it
would change the type of e- mail I write (like what I did there?).....

''Dance like no one's looking, love like you've never been hurt, send career
limiting e-mails like you're not frightened of receiving your P45”
Excellent advice indeed.

Anyway...onwards to information central (Don't Google it, there is no such
place)...

Fire Drill
This would make a dangerous and frankly ineffective DIY tool. Anyway, we
live in testing times, and as such are adding additional fire alarm tests at …..

Fountain
The fountain will be emptied and cleaned this weekend, so if you
are on site this weekend, please exercise caution in this area. If you do
not own a pet named caution, don't worry too much.

Join me again same time same place next week. You've been a lovely
audience...

Any questions, e-mail me, call me or come talk to me.

Best regards
R

Katie's classic no. 408

Katie: Marta
Marta: Yes
Katie: Have you done yoga?
Marta: Yes I have
Katie: Do you fart when you do yoga?

Katie's classic no.409

I like any music where you can dance in the style of a robot doing DIY.

Bruce has some superb quotes at the end of his emails

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell

"Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." - HH Williams

Butterfly dreams

March this year I went with Andrew to visit my mum in North Wales and stayed at a Vegetarian guest house - very nice it was too. I dreamt of lots of butterflies and when I woke up walked into the bathroom where a butterfly was trying to get out of the window. Spooky or did I just see it in a semi awake state?

Medical diagnosis at Woolworths

Shopping at woolies.

One day, in a queue at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Woolworth's. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs $20.00 .....a lot quicker than a doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Woolies.

He deposits $20.00, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping @ Woolies."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Woolies, eager to check the results. He deposits $20.00, pours in his concoction and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

"1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer (1st floor).

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping @ Woolies"

Strange strange dream - keep axes away from me

This am I had the most random dream ever. I was standing by a double grave of 2 people I had killed explaining about it to a friend. The fact I killed them was somehow not a really bad thing. 1 was Madonna and the other a guy called Bill who I had found on the Internet and he had asked to be killed by having his head sliced off. Bill was not called Bill but something else except I kept forgetting his real name so called him Bill anyway. I called up the ghost of Bill and we were having a chat about my killing him and he was saying how he and the other ghost i.e. Madonna were having a really good time as ghosts. They had joined the recording session of the Stereophonics last album and played guitar on it with no-one knowing except people thinking the guitar track sounded wondrously good!

Help - I don't even eat cheese!

But then a friend had this one ... "I dreamt that my brother had inhabited my body and I wanted to squeeze a blackhead on his / my hairline and wondered if and who it would hurt?"

What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?

And now a plug for Russian lessons

from the wife of a dear friend and Mars excolleague - http://www.russianlingo.co.uk/index.html

Never trust a man in a leotard is what I say. Don't buy cars off any of them.

I put on my one piece to do my exercise bike one Sunday morning, declaring to my step daughters it was a hoo ha suit. They asked why it was called a hoo ha suit. I looked stunned "I don't know. I just made it up."

Then on the bike I realised it must be because as you toil on the bike you can pant "Hoo" "Ha" "Hoo" "Ha" to help you along. That made sense to all who laughed at me - they were laughing anyway as I looked pretty funny.

My sporty number made Andrew feel lazy so he decided to use the bike too and we told him he has to wear the hoo ha suit too. So for a laugh he did. Katie was horrified declaring "No one should be made to look at that!"

A bunch of ladies visiting the neighbours walked past the house which is extremely rare and looked through our living room window only to see this weirdo in a ladies leotard on the exercise bike behind the sofa. They were in stitches. So you see you are never safe to dress up in your own home.