That's me in case you were wondering. I am wondering how in the short space of a week I can be such a walking disaster. I was cutting off a branch of grapes and knifed myself - a nasty nick on the thumb (that sounded like someone from Eastenders then). I was wiping the nail scissors and stabbed my finger tip. I walked my funny bone into the bathroom door. Earlier I walked into a trolley leaving a red lump on my right leg and then matched it on the opposite side same height by opening the dishwasher onto my leg. Symmetry at least. Someone please wrap me up in cotton wool for my own good.
However none of this is as unfortunate as last year in Andalucia. While preening prior to a Spanish friend's wedding, I was shaving my legs with a razor in the bath. I stupidly managed to cut the vein on my ankle, soon realising this REALLY was the kind of shaving cut that is difficult to stop bleeding. I called for help from the incumbent of that time and we plastered it up tight. Then I lay on the bed with my leg up the wall praying for the bleeding to stop so I could go see my beloved friend get married. She didn't have a boyfriend for a decade, then fell in love with this wonderful toyboy who adores her and now they are with child moving into a bigger house. Then incumbent felt faint having endured the blood bath scene, so had to lie on the bed too. Bloody great - what a pair! At least I had boots rather than sandals for my outfit and I even managed to dance staying to the end which is considered good manners in Spain. This was at the beginning of the holiday so I had to have my foot up on the dash everywhere we drove to, try to avoid walking and if walking, keep my foot in the same position. I rang my GP back in the UK for advice! Of course when you are in Granada you have to go to the Alhambra and that takes a lot of walking or rather limping and hopping up and down staircases. I was so mad at myself for doing something so daft.
It is true how bad luck can run in threes. As a young girl I remember getting out of the bath to dry myself in our tiny loft conversion bathroom. I sneezed and hit my head on the towel hook. I stepped back impaling myself on my earring I had left on the floor and to cap the whole eventful bathtime off, after cutting my toe nails the small ones just came off completely while filing them. Sorry - do you need a bucket now? You weren't ready for that I'm sure. Needless to say I have never filed a nail since. Right I should finish before you lose your appetite completely.
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