"Big Ben - eleven o'clock - chimney!": another mumism

One of the many wonderful things about my mum is the stuff she comes out with in her strong Polish accent (so funny to hear in said accent "Don't panic Mr Mannering!") and bizarre interpretation of what she hears as English. She takes much of the responsibility for my madness. I just called up and she picked up the phone with the greeting "Big Ben - eleven o'clock - chimney!" I believe the latter was to do with chiming. It is certainly fun on her planet too.

I always thought dad had better English but I couldn't believe how dodgy foreign bloke his accent was when I spoke to him last November for the first time in 14 years! That's another story or rather a book.

Anyway I started a collection of mumisms in my filofax and I will share them here like many memories because I don't want to lose them through having any more bags stolen, Kylie induced amnesia or old age.

The mumisms captured so far...

Advice on lurve etc.:

• Enjoy it while it lasts, but be ready for the blast
• Love is like diarrhoea - it comes and goes but life goes on
• Never get married, never have children (heard this all the way to 30 and then she freaked out I was never going to get married)
• Well you can't have the champagne glasses, there's nothing to celebrate anymore with your flop of a boyfriend

QUIZ TIME

Lost in translation (answers below):
1) In his new pyjamas he looks like Spark from Star Wars
2) Marks and Sparklers
3) It was really uncomfortable on the tufon
4) Ooh Marta, the landlady was just telling me her daughter is a courgette
5) Give me some alcohol and I'll lose all my inhabitants
6) I have a tickly affection in my throat

Serving food up:

• Pasta la vista!

Marta: I've just had my hair done.
Mum: What's it like?
Marta: Short and spiky like Meg Ryan
Mum: What's that? Like your groin?!?!

Answers
1) Spock from Star Trek
2) Marks n Sparks
3) futon
4) croupier
5) inhibitions
6) infection

I have more from other friends:
"So they are using you as an experience rabbit" = KK' s version of guinea pig
"Duck babies" = Armen's version of baby ducks (this is what makes me marry men you see and still there are no bad fillings between us)
"I really can't be asked" = I really can't be arsed

And here are some sayings English people came out with which were just perfect in the moment...

Marta: How's it going at work?
Lucienne: I'm like a mushroom in this place. They keep me in the dark and feed me shit

Catrina: Because YOU are the wheel!

Philippa: If you're good with a hammer, you tend to think everything is a nail. (on the subject of a RAC Director who told me, mere Digital Marketing Manager, "Put your big ears on and listen - you are talking to a Director!)

Okay so that page can now fly out of my filofax. Well as long as blogspot don't pull the plug.