Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy

Some great things to contemplate here

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the

spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below

average.

6. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second

mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some

people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad

memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending

machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple

of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?

Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're

in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness

pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without

sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked

into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death,

twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person

wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we

would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why

some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more

like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might

burn your ass tomorrow.